It is often a minor detail that sets it off. This time it was the sound of pages sticking together as I attempted to leaf through an ancient volume resting in proximity to the window. Humidity does that. I lingered for more time than was needed, pulling the pages apart one at a time, and in that stillness, his name reappeared unprompted.
There is something enigmatic about figures of such respect. You don’t actually see them very much. One might see them, yet only from a detached viewpoint, viewed through a lens of stories, memories, and vague citations which lack a definitive source. When I think of Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw, he is defined by his absences. The void of drama, the void of rush, and the void of commentary. In many ways, these absences are more descriptive than any language
I once remember posing a question to someone regarding his character. It wasn't a direct or official inquiry. Just a lighthearted question, much like an observation of the sky. The individual inclined their head, gave a slight smile, and replied “Ah, Sayadaw… he possesses great steadiness.” There was no further explanation given. At first, I felt a little unsatisfied with the answer. Today, I consider that answer to have been entirely appropriate.
The time is currently mid-afternoon in my location. The ambient light is unremarkable, devoid of any drama I find myself sitting on the floor today, for no identifiable cause. It could be that my back was looking for a different sensation this afternoon. I keep pondering the idea of being steady and the rarity of that quality. We prioritize the mention of wisdom, but steadiness is arguably more demanding. Wisdom is something we can respect from the outside. Steadiness has to be lived next to, day after day.
Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw navigated a lifetime of constant change Political upheavals, societal transitions, and cycles of erosion and renewal that has come to represent modern Burmese history. Despite this, when he is mentioned, it is not for his political or personal opinions Instead, they highlight his unwavering nature. He served as a stationary reference point amidst a sea of change I am uncertain how such stability can be achieved without becoming dogmatic. That balance feels almost impossible.
I find myself mentally revisiting a brief instant, although I am not certain the event occurred exactly as I recall. A bhikkhu slowly and methodically adjusting his traditional robes, as though he possessed all the time in the world. It is possible that the figure was not actually Tharmanay Kyaw tharmanay kyaw Sayadaw. Memory blurs people together. But the underlying feeling stayed with me. That sense of not being rushed by the world’s expectations.
I find myself wondering, often, what it costs to be that kind of person. I do not mean in a grand way, but in the small details of each day. Silent sacrifices that do not seem like losses to the casual eye. The dialogues that were never held. Allowing false impressions to persist without rebuttal. Accepting the projections of others without complaint. Whether he reflected on these matters is unknown to me. Maybe he was beyond such thoughts, which could be the entire point.
There’s dust on my hands now from the book. I brush it off absentmindedly. Composing these thoughts seems somewhat redundant, in a positive sense. Not everything has to be useful. At times, it is enough just to admit. that specific lives leave a profound imprint. never having sought to explain their own nature. Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw is such a figure in my eyes. A presence that is felt more deeply than it is understood, and perhaps it is meant to remain that way.